A Walk to Remember

I walk to remember
the steps you'll never take.
I carry you with me
as I firmly plant my feet.

Our trek started long ago,
before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew-
like butterfly wings that beat.
You'r gentle flutters then became
kicks upon which I would dwell
And I would talk to you , sweet babe,
about the world you soon would meet.

The sun always shone upon us then-
when you were in my womb.
And I was eager to show you the world
that would have been your home.
How you'd have loved the sun shining-
blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning-
the snow falling all around.
The flowers in the summer-
would have filled your eyes with smiles.
And the rain that might have fallen
would have caused you great surprise.

You would have traveled far with me.-
holding me by the hand.
And I'd have shown you all I could-
more than I can imagine.

You hold my HEART tightly now,
as though we're holding hands.
How far we've traveled, little one-
and my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart,
as I firmly plant my feet.

-Kathie Rataj Mayo

A Mother's Grief

A Mother's Grief

by Kelly Cummings 

You ask me how I'm feeling, 

but do you really want to know? 

The moment I try telling you 

You say you have to go 

How can I tell you, 

what it's been like for me 

I am haunted, I am broken 

By things that you don't see 

You ask me how I'm holding up, 

but do you really care? 

The moment I start to speak my heart, 

You start squirming in your chair. 

Because I am so lonely, 

you see, friends no longer come around, 

I'll take the words I want to say 

And quietly choke them down. 

Everyone avoids me now, 

I guess they don't know what to say 

They told me I'll be there for you, 

then turned and walked away. 

Call me if you need me, 

that's what everybody said, 

But how can I call and scream 

into the phone, 

My God, my child is dead? 

No one will let me 

say the words I need to say 

Why does a mothers grief 

scare everyone away? 

I am tired of pretending 

my heart hammers in my chest, 

I say things to make you comfortable, 

but my soul finds no rest. 

How can I tell you things 

that are too sad to be told, 

of the helplessness of holding a child 

who in your arms grows cold? 

Maybe you can tell me, 

How should one behave, 

who's had to follow their child's casket, 

watched it perched above a grave? 

You cannot imagine 

what it was like for me that day 

to place a final kiss upon that box, 

and have to turn and walk away. 

If you really love me, 

and I believe you do, 

if you really want to help me, 

here is what I need from you. 

Sit down beside me, 

reach out and take my hand, 

Say "My friend, I've come to listen, 

I want to understand." 

Just hold my hand and listen 

that's all you need to do, 

And if by chance I shed a tear, 

it's alright if you do to. 

I swear that I'll remember 

till the day I'm very old, 

the friend who sat and held my hand 

and let me bare my soul. 

12/8/03

Justin Gabriel's 3rd Angelversary

Thinking about my son on his 3rd angelversary.
Not here but never forgotten. 

My faith gives me hope we will see each other again. 

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today....

-Daddy